Day 21

First day of school.  Let's just be honest -- we were ALL ready for school to start.   I have guilt about the summer that my girls had versus the one that we had planned.   However, I'm trying to recognize that it was all beyond my scope of control and feeling guilty is not a worthwhile way to spend my time.   The girls are tired, their summer was wonky, and I know they sense the stress in the house.  I pray that it gets better.  

In one of my cancer books, they write about the importance of gratitude and the role that it can play in staying healthy, surviving.  So - as a part of this journaling process, I'm going to write about things for which I am grateful.  

Today...actually, every day, I am grateful for my family and the roles that they are all taking on throughout this battle.  My mom and dad -- they are taking care of me, taking care of my girls, aiding my husband.   They are keeping our family in full operation as Chris and I sway back and forth between being engaged in family and being engaged in cancer.  They are cheering me on and joining my husband in ganging up on me when I would rather curl up in a ball and be sad.   It's a good ganging up.  I'm grateful for it.  My sisters and their husbands -- they are digging into research, getting their arms around my diagnosis and playing it back in a way that I can understand.  They talk me off the ledge when I am wanting to focus on "the numbers".  They call and make me laugh.   I am grateful that they are my sisters and that they are always in my corner.  I am grateful that they married men that are so engaged and care about how to get us through this battle.  My little girls - they are my gifts from God.  Even when they are tired and grumpy, as demonstrated by Miss M today, I am grateful for how they wake up each day, full of determination, spirit and joy.  Finally, I am grateful for my husband.  He pushes and prods and holds my hand.  He won't ever give up.  Period.  I'm grateful that he teases me as I crutch up the stairs, with our ten year old dog lapping me.   I'm grateful for his patience, and frankly, his lack of patience.   It works.  I may not be grateful of it in the moment -- but I can look back and see where the pushiness has paid off. I know that it will take a village to get me to the other side of this -- and I'm grateful for the one that is coming to life around me.