I always had a bit of a desire to start a blog.... I've tried it before, primarily blogging about my two girls. But, being a mom, working full time and generally running around like a crazy person kept me from posting with any kind of regularity. So - this past Spring, my husband and I decided that we need to get rid of the 'running around like a crazy person' lifestyle that we were both leading -- and one of us needed to step away from our job. I left my job at the end of May. For the first couple of weeks, I was actually overwhelmed from the sense of potential -- how could I use this time? What were all of the projects that I've always wanted to tackle, but never had the time? What cool things could I do with the girls so that this would be the BEST SUMMER EVER. Our entire goal of creating an uncomplicated life for our family was actually getting more complicated because there were so many things that I wanted to do. Crazy. C always says that I have a way of complifying things. So true.
That was the first part of June. Fast forward to today. Day 3 after fighting out that what I thought was an injury on my toe is actually malignant melanoma. Things are getting pretty straight forward pretty fast.
I've had the open wound on my toe since mid-June. It looked like a bad blood blister before that. I faintly remembered pinching my toe when I was running around back in April. We spent time at the wound clinic, met with a podiatrist -- and kept rolling with their assessment that, because it was the bottom of my toe, some sort of nasty bacteria had gotten in there, which is why it wasn't healing. At about week 7 of this, the podiatrist finally did a biopsy. That puts us to this week.
We are off today for our first set of surgical consults, this one with the originating podiatrist and an associated oncological surgeon. Thankfully, via the gift of a friend of a friend, we have another set at the U of M cancer center next week. They specialize in melanoma -- and we are hopeful that we can shift my care to U of M as this moves forward.
Honestly, day 1 was a blur -- yet really clear. I now have two jobs - protect my little girls from having their whole world being tossed upside down -- and fight this stupid disease. I also discovered, on day 1 - that C, my amazing husband, is the best advocate that I could hope for. He spent hours on the phone with the U getting records transferred, getting more information -- and basically laying out our path for the next week. He is amazing. Seriously.
Day 2 meant letting people know about what is going on. Neither C nor myself are great at asking people for help. In fact, especially when folks come to visit us -- we pride ourselves in taking care of them. We will be learning how receive help - and fast. It's interesting to me, that what hits both of us the fastest in terms of getting emotionally overwhelmed, is when someone reaches out in kindness, in prayer, with help. Wow. It literally takes my breath away. Just the offer of prayers nearly brings me to my knees, I am so thankful.
So today - Day 3 -- we have our first appointment with doctors. I am out of sweats for the first time in weeks. When you are fighting for your life, you don't show up in a ratty old t-shirt. I know that today I will learn the potential of losing most or all of my toe. Possibly my foot. At this point - as long as the cancer is out of my body, I can deal with whatever I have left over. Here's to hoping that I can make some good money on ebay selling the fabulous sandals and high heels that I will never wear again.
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